


Love Heals

by nflove



Category: Men's Basketball RPF
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt, Love, M/M, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:20:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26462551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nflove/pseuds/nflove
Summary: A different ending to the Lakers Blazers series... I'm pretty new to this ship so I hope the personalities seem accurate
Relationships: Damian Lillard/CJ McCollum
Comments: 2
Kudos: 27





	1. Chapter 1

Dame released the ball as the clock hit zero, a would-be buzzer-beater sailing through the air, clanking hard against the rim in vicious denial. The sound echoed through the near-empty arena, hollow, a championship slipping through fingers. CJ looked Dame’s way in consolation, but Dame dropped his eyes, walking heavily to the bench as the Lakers rushed the court. He pulled a towel over his head and sat still, hunched over, elbows on his knees. 

The dull buzz of camera shutters crept in and CJ stood on the court, feet rooted to the floor as journalists swarmed. Scanning the crowd, he zeroed in on Doris Burke approaching Dame. Shit. Instinctively, CJ summoned all the energy he could muster up and headed over to intercept Doris.  
“CJ, a few questions?”  
He nodded, swallowing.  
“First, congrats on a great playoff run.”  
“Mhm.”  
“You opened the game solidly, coming to an early lead. Take us into the locker room at the half.”  
“We was just sayin’, we got to keep this up, no slippin’ now. Goin’ into it with that mindset.”  
“So where do you think you fell behind?”  
“We got out of rhythm in the second half, missed opportunities….” CJ grappled halfheartedly for an answer.  
“What was going through your head in those last few seconds?”  
“I mean, we had one shot and we knew we wanted Dame takin’ that shot, wouldn’t change it for anything.”  
“Alright, thank you, CJ.”  
“Thanks.”

CJ turned toward the bench, glimpsing Dame heading into the tunnel. He started jogging to catch up, but the court was crowded and his aching knees protested. He slowed to a walk and focused on putting one foot in front of the other so he could be there for Dame.

When he got to the locker room, Dame was sitting in his temporary locker, packing up his bag. A few guys were still around, but locker rooms always emptied fast after losses like these. CJ took a seat beside Dame, who fiddled intently with the zippers on his bag as if they required his undivided attention. 

CJ placed a light hand on Dame’s thigh, “Wanna shower?”  
Dame stood up. “Imma head back.”  
“Oh.” CJ said, deflated. “I’ll come.”

As they headed across the manicured lawns of the hotel complex, CJ slipped an arm around Damian’s waist, pulling him close.  
“Come on, man.” Dame said, voice rough, “They got cameras and shit out here.”  
“It’s nighttime” CJ protested.  
“I –” Dame shook his head, voice too strained.  
CJ resigned, dropping his arm to swing empty at his side.  
A measured, but shaky breath from Dame cut into the soft crunching of feet on gravel. CJ glanced over at Dame’s clenched jaw, his agitated brow, his wet eyes reflecting the pathway illumination. CJ fought hard against the urge to pull Dame close to his chest.

They entered the hotel lobby silently and made their way to the Blazers’ floor. When they got to Dame’s suite, they paused outside.  
“D’ya wanna just chill?” CJ asked.  
“I need to sleep.” Dame said, unlocking the door.  
“Oh, okay.” CJ took a step towards Dame, reaching for contact. “You sure you’re alright?”  
“I’m fine.” He said slipping into the room. “G’night CJ.”  
“Night Dame.”  
The door clicked shut. CJ waited a few minutes outside in case Damian had second thoughts. When he heard the shower start, he turned down the hall toward his room. 

As CJ lay in bed that night, scathing tears streamed silently down his face. Inadequacy, loneliness, and rejection dueled viciously inside his ribcage while the dull, postgame soreness swam cold through his veins. 

He had imagined winning the series with Dame, celebrating with Dame, sex with Dame afterwards. Losing wasn’t something they discussed, but he had always assumed if they had to experience it, they’d do it together. CJ wondered, despite his greater judgment, if he was anything more than a fuckbuddy to Dame. He curled up on his side to protect his defenseless heart.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CJs such a giver it hurts him not to give Dame the love he needs

When CJ awakened the next morning, the pain of last night came seeping back into his chest. He opened his eyes to find the world oversaturated, sharp, like a screen that hurt to look at. He burrowed his head into the comforter, hiding from the rigid, unforgiving lines of a reality he wished could be undone.

The images in his mind were no better though - Dame courtside with the towel over his head, Dame walking into the tunnel, shoulders hung, Dame choking on his words as they walked back last night. Meticulous, controlled, magnetic Dame who didn’t want CJ.

CJ reached for his phone and shot over a text.

 **To Dame:** are u mad at me?

An instant reply.

 **Dame:** no

 **To Dame:** can I come over? please

After a moment

 **Dame:** fine

***

“Damn, you look awful.” Dame said, opening the door for CJ to step in.

“I _feel_ awful.”

“Least you didn’t miss a game winner.” Dame laughed humorlessly, turning to make his way into the room.

“Are you sure you ain’t mad at me?” CJ probed, following.

“I’m not mad at you, I’m mad at _myself.”_ Dame said, agitation thick in his voice.

“Then why won’t you let me touch you?” CJ’s voice broke.

Dame took a step back. “Because I don’t. deserve it.”

“The way you’re being,” CJ sighed, “It’s not healthy.”

“Can’t you just let me live? How I deal with this shit shouldn’t even matter to you.”

“Well it does.” CJ said, unabashedly. He flopped down on a chair, arms at his sides, chest open because there was nothing left to protect. Softly, pleading, “Damian. Let me in.”

Dame stood, effortfully stoic, beautiful even in his tattered Oakland t-shirt under the harsh hotel lighting. 

“Want me to blow you?” CJ offered, knowing that wasn’t what either of them needed.

“Jesus CJ, sex ain’t gon’ fix this shit.”

“I know.” CJ got up from his chair tentatively. “Can I hug you?”

Dame turned away, hiding his face. “CJ I don’t need you right now.” His voice restrained, deliberate.

“Well did you ever consider that maybe _I_ need _you_?!” The words tumbled out of CJ’s mouth, desperate and clumsy, louder than he intended. Scarily irreversible.

Dame’s shoulders slumped slightly. He sighed, still facing the wall. After a long silence, he hung his head. “‘m sorry Ceej. I’m an asshole.”

CJ wrapped his arms around Dame from behind, leaned his face into Dame’s neck, breathing him in, relishing the contact.

Dame ducked his head to kiss CJ’s forearm, gentle, apologetic.

The hotel was silent, but CJ could feel Dame’s heartbeat in his body. It was grounding, fundamental, vital. Damian was his air.

After a minute, CJ loosened his grip, “Look at me, Dame.”

Dame turned slowly in his arms. His face was unreadable, eyes hooded. CJ pulled Dame’s head to his own, pressing their foreheads together. CJ leaned in for a kiss, but Dame turned his head away, putting a hand between them.

“I love you CJ.” He said, dragging a hand over his face. Words like that from Dame were ephemeral like fireflies; you could never quite get your hands around them. And yet CJ endlessly tried, memorizing their cadence, pocketing them so he could hit replay on days when his feet felt heavy, when threes weren’t dropping, when the world seemed unusually cruel.

“But I fucked up.” Dame continued. “I shouldn’t get kisses.”

“Don’t say things like that. We all fucked up, just let me love you.” CJ begged, taking Dame’s hand.

CJ pulled them over to the bed and laid down. Dame stayed standing, but left his hand in CJ’s.

“C’mere.” CJ whispered, patting the space beside him. The sheets smelled of salt. “Did you cry last night?”

Damian’s eyes flicked to the carpet. “I mean…yeah.”

“Dame, baby” CJ’s gut twisted with concern.

At that, Dame’s eyebrows quirked slightly, his jaw softened; he seemed suddenly childlike. He reached for CJ, hand ghosting CJ’s side like a defender. And CJ pulled him in, dragged all of his muscular point guard into the bed with him. And Dame let himself be pulled. He let his head fall onto CJ’s chest. He let CJ’s calloused hands cradle his skull and slip under his shirt, rubbing the soreness in his back. He let the tears run over his face while CJ pressed kisses to his forehead. He let the sun filter through the curtains and the waves of release sweep over him.

And when his eyelashes grew hard with dried tears, he scooted up to kiss CJ, salty and wet and appreciative. And something in the way CJ kissed back made him smile. A soft smile like he just realized how precious this was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it! I'd love to hear any feedback


End file.
